Recognising Domestic Violence in Australia: A Guide to Non-Physical Abuse | AHL Legal

Key Takeaways

• Beyond Physical Harm: Domestic and family violence is not just about physical assault. It is fundamentally a pattern of behaviour used by one person to maintain power and control over another in a family or domestic relationship.

• Recognising the Patterns: Key signs of non-physical abuse include financial control, emotional manipulation (like gaslighting), social isolation, and monitoring your communications.

• Coercive Control: This is the overarching pattern of control that connects many seemingly "small" incidents, creating an environment of fear and eroding a person's freedom and autonomy.

• Two Legal Pathways: The law can respond through criminal charges for specific acts (like assault or stalking) and through Apprehended Violence Orders (AVOs), which are protection orders to prevent future harm.

Introduction

When many people hear the term "domestic violence," they picture physical injuries—bruises, black eyes, broken bones. But what if the harm isn't visible? What if the control is silent, the abuse is financial, or the isolation is so gradual you don't notice it happening?

Many people in Australia are living within a pattern of domestic and family violence without ever being physically struck. They feel something is deeply wrong, but because there is no physical violence, they question themselves: "Is this really abuse? Am I overreacting?"

The purpose of this guide is to answer that question. It is to help you recognise the often-unseen signs of domestic violence, because identifying the pattern is the first and most powerful step toward seeking safety and support.

Important Note: The laws defining domestic and family violence and the processes for obtaining protection orders are legislated by each state and territory. This article provides a general overview based on the modern, broad definitions used across Australia.

Learn more about domestic and family violence in Australia at Australian Government Department of Social Services.

Australian law defines domestic and family violence broadly. It acknowledges that abuse is about power and control, and can take many forms beyond the physical.

Legally, it is a pattern of coercive and controlling behaviour that can include not only physical violence but also emotional, psychological, financial, social, and sexual abuse.

Domestic violence is rarely a single incident. It is a pattern of behaviours that, when viewed together, reveal an intent to control you. Ask yourself if any of these patterns feel familiar.

This type of abuse attacks your sense of self-worth and reality.

• Does your partner constantly put you down, humiliate you, or insult you, either in private or in front of others?

• Do they "gaslight" you by denying events happened or telling you that you're "crazy," "too sensitive," or "imagining things"?

• Do they blame you for their anger, their problems, or their abusive behaviour?

• Do they threaten to harm themselves, you, your children, or your pets if you leave?

Financial abuse is a common tactic to make you dependent and trapped.

• Does your partner control all the household finances and refuse to give you access to money?

• Do you have to ask for money and justify every single cent you spend?

• Are you prevented from working or studying?

• Has your partner run up debts in your name without your consent?

• Is your name on a lease or mortgage, but you have no access to the funds or financial information?

Isolation is a key strategy to increase control by cutting you off from support networks.

• Does your partner deliberately try to stop you from seeing your family and friends?

• Do they monitor your phone calls, read your text messages, or check your social media accounts?

• Do they act jealous and possessive, constantly accusing you of cheating?

• Do they make it difficult for you to leave the house?

Coercive control is the overarching pattern that links many of these behaviours together. It is a system of control designed to make you subordinate and strip away your sense of freedom and autonomy. It is the insidious, day-to-day regulation of your life. While coercive control is now a specific criminal offence in some states like NSW, the pattern itself is at the heart of all domestic violence.

Learn more about coercive control laws in NSW at NSW Government Coercive Control.

If you are experiencing domestic violence, the Australian legal system offers two main pathways for protection.

• Criminal Charges: If a specific action constitutes a crime, the police can lay charges. This includes acts like physical or sexual assault, stalking, threats to kill, or property damage. These matters are prosecuted by the police as criminal offences.

• Apprehended Violence Orders (AVOs): An AVO (also known as a Domestic Violence Order or Intervention Order in other states) is a civil protection order made by a court. It lists conditions that the abuser must obey, such as not contacting you, not coming near your home or work, and not committing any further acts of abuse. An AVO is not a criminal conviction, but breaching the conditions of an AVO is a serious criminal offence.

Trust your feelings. If you feel scared, controlled, or diminished in your relationship, you are not overreacting. Domestic violence is a pattern of controlling behaviour, not just a single physical act.

Recognising that you may be experiencing abuse is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of incredible strength and the first step towards reclaiming your safety and freedom. Help is available, and you have the right to be safe.

Disclaimer: This article provides general information and is not a substitute for legal advice. If you are experiencing domestic violence or require legal assistance, you should consult with a qualified lawyer or specialist support service immediately.

If you are in immediate danger, call Triple Zero (000).

• 1800RESPECT: National domestic, family, and sexual violence counselling, information and support service. Phone: 1800 737 732

• Lifeline: Crisis support and suicide prevention. Phone: 13 11 14

• MensLine Australia: Support for men with family and relationship concerns. Phone: 1300 78 99 78

For additional support and resources, visit 1800RESPECT.

AHL Legal: Your Partner in Addressing Domestic Violence

Facing domestic violence or seeking legal protection? At AHL Legal, we specialize in providing expert legal guidance and representation to help you navigate these challenges and secure your safety.